Now That's What I Call Music Volume 2 review

My continuing quest to listen to every Now That's What I Call Music (UK edition)


Listen along for the optimal experience.

Released: 26 March 1984


1. Queen - Radio Ga Ga
Sadly, this song is best known nowadays as being the song that, for some reason, Lady Gaga decided to name herself after. Lady FatBottomedGirls...Lady Flash...Lady BicycleRace. So many possibilities she had, Lady Flash is really good. I bet she had gone with that. Gaga sounds cool in 2007 while you're in a coke haze but I bet now she's like "Man, I coulda been Lady KillerQueen" Oh, the song itself. I like it. I used to like it a lot more, idk if the aforementioned ties to current pop singer have negated it, I'd like to think not. I'd like to think that I have no standards because I watched Big Brother UK and Big Brother US back-to-back last night. I'm shameless. 3 out of 5

2. Nik Kershaw - Wouldn't It Be Good
I'm gonna be Lady Kershaw. Book it. I recently started to really appreciate this song. Look, I'll level with you. I play Song Pop on Facebook and this song comes up A BUNCH. Like I'll be playing East Coast Rap and somehow this song will appear. I like this song is my point. 3 out of 5

3. Thompson Twins - Hold Me Now
I fucking love this song. Every time I think of the Thompson Twins (more often than you think) I think of the time Madonna sang with them at Live Aid. I looked it up for a larf and man a TON of people from this NTWICM compiliation were at Live Aid. INCLUDING NIK KERSHAW. Anyways, I like the 80s when Madonna was just a simple pop star and had to mingle with other plebians. Like the Thompson Twins (I wish they were actual twins, don't wish they were Thompsons though). Again, I fucking love this song. I only do the high parts when I sing along. OOOOOOHOOOOOHHH STAY WITH ME 4 out of 5

4. Matt Bianco - Get Out Of Your Lazy Bed
Yuck. If you've never heard this song, it's basically the theme for an early 90s UK breakfast show. Wikipedia says it was sampled in SUPER MARIO BROTHERS. Fucking prove it you assholes! SHOW ME THE RECIEPTS. Citation required, huh? Yeah, that's what I thought. OH also, Matt Bianco isn't a guy it's a band. Whatever, get over yourselves. You weren't even at Live Aid and they let anybody on. 0 out of 5

5. Carmel - More, More, More
This is terrible. For the first minute I thought it was a cover of disco classic "More, More, More" but thank god it wasn't because I was ready to go on a tirade about that. I just don't get why these horn-y faux jazz overwrought songs were so big around this time. They're awful. I wanted to skip this as much as "Red Red Wine". 0 out of 5

6. Madness - Michael Caine
I'm generally not a big Madness fan, but this is one of their better ones. 2 out of 5

7. The Flying Pickets - Only You
Well, the Yazoo version is better. The UK was suuuuper obsessed with 50s culture in the 80s, straight through all that Jive Bunny crap (god I hope I don't end up having to listen to a ton of Jive Bunny....*deletes blog*) I don't get super into this doo-wop-y version of the song but it's not terrible either. 1 out of 5


On to Side two

1. Nena - 99 Red Balloons
It's always a fun song. I don't think you hear it as much as you once did in places. I like the English version better. I'm such a simpleton. 3 out of 5

2. Cyndi Lauper - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
I don't care what anyone says. 1) I love Cyndi Lauper...love, love, love. 2) I love this song...love, love, etc. It reminds me of Wrestlemania I and that's enough for me. No, wait Wrestlemania I was terrible. HOWEVER, this was the best part of Wrestlemania I so I'm back on board. 4 out of 5

3. Tracey Ullman - My Guy's Mad At Me
I've actually never heard this song. It's pretty cool. 3 out of 5

4. Matthew Wilder - Break My Stride
Welp, now I'll have "Can't Nobody Hold Me Down" stuck in my head all night. Thanks a lot Wilder. I guess he went on to produce Tragic Kingdom by No Doubt so....well done? 3 out of 5

5. Julia & Company - Breaking Down
All this breaking. 1984 was so violent. 2 out of 5

6. Joe Fagin - That's Livin Alright
Interestingly, this was a double A-side with a song called BREAKIN Down! Seriously, is this Candid Camera? Also, this was just the theme of a UK TV show so I'm assuming it never got released in America. No big loss. If you've never heard this song, imagine an 80s radio commercial for chewing gum. That's this song. 1 out of 5

7. Hot Chocolate - I Gave You My Heart (Didn't I)
Great, now I'm gonna want some hot chocolate. I won't ever want to hear this song again though. There are elements of it that are cool (the guitar) but most of it is crap (everything else). 1 out of 5

8. Snowy White - Bird of Paradise
Really bland, nothing to say about it. 1 out of 5


Switch to the album number 2

1. Frankie Goes To Hollywood - Relax
I talked a bit about them in my 1983 pop idol thing. The song itself is pretty good. I'm not tired of it and I've probably heard it like 8 billion times so that's a plus I suppose. 3 out of 5

2. Eurythmics - Here Comes The Rain Again
Yessssss, I love this shit. If I sounded like Annie Lennox I'd sing EVERYTHING. You don't really hear much from her nowadays. But Bono is everywhere. What is wrong with this life???? 4 out of 5

3. Howard Jones - What Is Love
Howard Jones does have some hits. But still, if you asked me to name some I'd be all "Uh...that one about looking at the menu but not being able to eat???" This is a good little jam though. 3 out of 5

4. The Smiths - What Difference Does It Make
I LOVE THAT THE SMITHS ARE ON A NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL MUSIC COMPILATION. This isn't my favourite song of theirs yet I still sang along with it like my life depended on it. 5 out of 5  No More Apologies perfection

5. Fiction Factory - (Feels Like) Heaven
I didn't recognise the title, but I've definitely heard this song a bunch of times. It's a pretty underrated tune, you don't see it get a ton of attention and it's a perfectly delightful little song. 3 out of 5

6. Re-Flex - The Politics of Dancing
I wonder why they put the hypen in their name. That's all I thought about during this song. 2 out of 5

7. Thomas Dolby - Hyperactive!
Sad that in America he's really only remembered for "She Blinded Me With Science". This song is much better. I like the lady part at the end. Heh..."lady part" 3 out of 5

8. China Crisis - Wishful Thinking
There's nothing to say about this song. Good or bad. It's suuuuuper plain. 2 out of 5


Turn record over.

1. David Bowie - Modern Love
Yaaaaay! I love this song! The best song to sing along to, I believe. Buuuut I tryyyy. 5 out of 5 Church On Time perfection

2. Culture Club - It's A Miracle
I like this song a lot too. Man side four is off to a fantastic start. They're already using the big, brash female vocals. 4 out of 5

3. Rolling Stones - Undercover Of The Night
Another great song. Best Stones song from 80s - present? For me, it is. 3 out of 5

4. Big Country - Wonderland
I just can't get into Big Country. It's not a terrible song though, just not my taste. 2 out of 5

5. Slade - Run Runaway
If they ain't singing about Christmas, what's the point? I wonder if, in concert, they do the Xmas song every night? I mean...they have to. This isn't a bad song, all sad, but it isn't about fucking Christmas either. 2 out of 5

6. Duran Duran - New Moon On Monday
Pretty good song. Not my favourite Duran Duran but still fun and catchy. 3 out of 5

7. Paul McCartney - Pipes Of Peace
I just feel like 90% of McCartney's solo stuff is soooooo cheesy and this is no exception. 1 out of 5



Overall: Not as good as Volume 1. Not as many great songs. Not as many bad songs either though so maybe it's a trade-off. 3 out of 5


Inductees into the Now That's What I Call a Hall of Fame:
The Smiths - What Difference Does It Make
David Bowie - Modern Love

The Sound of the Swoon: 1983

A musical journey through the trajectory of teen idols


I'll be looking at music heart-throbs of the past, beginning in 1983, because that's 30 years ago (and the year I was born).

Just four things as a pretext:
1) these entries aren't meant to be an in-depth, know-it-all account of music history. It's mostly a listing with some videos and stupid comments. I mean, for fuck's sake, how serious can an article about teen idols really be?
2) I looked over a few resources (chart stats, MTV listings, old teeny bopper mags, Wikipedia) to get a feel for what I'm reasonably assured young girls were interested in at a given time. My wheelhouse, so to speak, (ie: my prime for lusting after the teen idols) would've been about 89-99. Anything before or after that was more based on research than first hand knowledge.
3) this isn't just a listing for "boybands". Solo stars, rockers, R&B acts...they're all fair game so long as teen girls were a verifiable target for them. In other words, Bon Jovi, absolutely fall in this category at least through the 80s. Once they hit the 90s, I'd no longer consider teen girls to be a target audience for them, so I'll no longer include them at that point. Same thing goes for Michael Jackson. He was absolutely an object of lust in 1983 for the promotion of Thriller. By the time Bad came out in 1987? Not so much. There's no science to this, just up to my own feelings and findings. On the other hand, I'm sure there were teen girls who had Motley Crue on their walls, however, I don't think the Crue were ever actively attempting to appeal to that fanbase. I think they were way more interested in women they could actually sleep with (and not go to jail over it). Same thing with Eminem. I'm absolutely positive many angsty teenage girls had him on their walls but I don't think that was something he ever courted or desired so I chose to leave him out of this. Vanilla Ice, with his doll and lunchbox? Well, you'll be seeing him later. Also, no groups with female members. Ruins the illusion.
4) I'm American but I love the way the UK treats music slightly less disposable. I've tried to include acts from all over the world but the world is fucking huge. It's mostly US/UK centric. A few Australian acts, a couple French based acts, German acts. That's about as far as I could go. Asia is just a mystery to me. Everything has to be in English, which made me skip over a few more well-known acts, like Menudo, though they do make an appearance at some point with their big English breakthrough.

Ok with all that preamble out of the way. Let's dive into 1983. I tried to do this chronological down to the month, that's not always an exact science but at least I tried.

Now That's What I Call Music Volume 1 review

I've been a bit obsessed with things also turning 30 this year (I am). I found that the Now That's What I Call Music (the original UK version) released it's first edition in 83 so I'm gonna review every one of these (theoretically! realistically I'll probably give in at some point but let's pretend). 

Listen along if you care to. You can find these songs on the internet that you're on right now.

Released: 28 November 1983

1. Phil Collins - You Can't Hurry Love
I think I liked this when I was younger but it's a bit crap isn't it? I dunno, it's not actively bad but I'd never choose to listen to it. 1 out of 5

2. Duran Duran - Is There Something I Should Know?
I'm gonna talk more about Duran Duran as part of another 30 year feature I'm writing (and I write really fucking slow) but I quite enjoy them. This song isn't my favourite but, again, I feel like I liked it a lot more when I was younger. If I had been sort of 13-15 years old at this time I like to think I'd be a big Smiths fan (I worship at the altar) but really I woulda probably liked Wham! and Duran Duran. Folly of youth and that. 3 out of 5

3. UB40 - Red Red Wine
I loathe UB40's fake reggae-whatever thing. I don't even like real reggae so this is insufferable. Really regretting my firm "NO SKIPPING ANY SONGS" stance. At least my cats will also suffer. Dear god, it's still going and now it's at that weird rap part. I am tempted to close this blog and never mention this again. 0 out of 5

4. Limahl - Only For Love
I was looking at pictures of hedgehogs while I listened to this so I really enjoyed it. God, he doesn't half sound like a woman though does he? 2 out of 5

5. Heaven 17 - Temptation
Oh fuck I'm a sucker for that melody. I always look at this song written places and think "Oh yeah it's ok" then I listen to it and I'm all "TEMP-TA-TION!" 4 out of 5

6. KC & The Sunshine Band - Give It Up
I always forget their 80s success. And their 70s success I guess too. I do jam to this one too though I have to admit. I like it. 3 out of 5

7. Malcolm McClaren - Double Dutch
God, that opening is so Adam Ant.  I just looked this up and was surprised to see Trevor Horn produced this with McClaren. Never knew that. It's not my favourite song but it's cute. 2 out of 5

8. Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse of the Heart
I always want to write this as a duet. Man that dude got the shaft. I like it. We all do. Well, I'm sure there's some doofus that's all "NAH THAT SONG IS OVERPLAYED" but whatever, just be thankful they overplay this and not RED RED FUCKING WINE. 3 out of 5

This concludes side one. Flip to side two.

1. Culture Club - Karma Chameleon
I adore Culture Club. This song? Not as much. Definitely my least favourite of their songs. I'd skip it on my Culture Club Greatest Hits CD back in the day. Wouldn't even muck up my iPod with it. Meh, I still can't hate it. 2 out of 5

2. Men Without Hats - The Safety Dance
Oh dear. I definitely loved this one circa, like, 2001. Was this in a commercial or something recently? It seems to have picked up steam recently. And by "picked up steam" I mean I heard my dad humming it the other day. A sure sign a song has jumped the shark if ever there was one. It had a good run though. 29 years! Look at you go! 2 out of 5

3. Kajagoogoo - Too Shy
I like this song. Always have. Limahl is the first person to appear on Now That's What I Call Music twice! Trivia alert! Man, I wish I sang this song. I wish I was Limahl. Ok, I cut my hair into a layered mullet during this song is that bad? 4 out of 5

4. Mike Oldfield - Moonlight Shadow
Man, my first song I gotta listen to as a mullet-wearer is this. Wait, what is this? I've only heard Tubular Bells. Who is this woman? I feel so dumb right now. And not just on account of the mullet. Maggie Reilly??!!! (wikipedia) I don't know. Oldfield, I don't know what to think of you right now. Man this song was huge all over Europe. Why? I'm not impressed, Oldfield. 1 out of 5

5. Men at Work - Down Under
Oh, this song. 2 out of 5

6. Rock Steady Crew - Hey You (Rock Steady Crew)
I didn't even look at the tracklist. I just decided to do this list as soon as I saw it debuted in 83. HOLY FUCK this was a shock. This is my gem. My gem of gems. I don't remember where I found this song for the first time but my goodness, I love it. I really can't recommend this enough. Oh my fuck, the guy that produced this also produced A Little Respect by Erasure. Marry me Stephen Hague. 5 out of 5 Electric Boogaloo perfection

7. Rod Stewart - Baby Jane
This was #1 when I was born. And my mom's name is Jane. I guess you could say on that day JANE had a BABY. I mean, yeah. I had never heard this song when I found that out. Listened to it, fell in love with the chorus. I kind of want to sing this karaoke but just the chorus. IT'S GONNA LAAAAST FOREVER. Good shit here, we're really on a roll, what will burst our bubble? 3 out of 5

8. Paul Young - Wherever I Lay My Hat
Oh, this song. I'm looking at Paul Young for aforementioned other project I'm writing and. I don't get this song. I guess America didn't either. I'm too lazy to look up if this was a number one in the UK but I bet it was. I don't think it did a thing in America. Everytime You Go Away though? We were all over that shit! 1 out of 5

Take this record off. Hold record while you remember what you were going to do. Realise you're losing your memory. Promise yourself you'll talk to  your doctor about it but really you won't cos you're scared of growing old and don't want to verbalise it. Look at record. Ask yourself why you're holding a record. Read label. Oh yes, I believe there's a second album too. Put that one.

1. New Edition - Candy Girl
I literally, just, wrote a paragraph about New Edition. God, is this my life? Anyways, yeah, they sound unbelievably young here. Super young black boys singing has really gone away hasn't it? We used to have Jackson 5, then New Edition, Musical Youth, that group with Roger from Sister, Sister. Later Lil Bow Wow, Lil Romeo. Now nothing. Boo! By the way nothing makes me happy like a 12 year old saying "CHECK OUT (other 12 year old)'S OLD LADY" Not a bad little tune. Maurice Starr you saint. You weren't accused of kiddy fiddling like those other impresarios. You just did the child labour for money thing and I respect that. 3 out of 5

2. Kajagoogoo - Big Apple
This was after Limahl left so sadly he misses out of being the first to appear on the NTWICM (that's my new thing) series. This song is crap. It's like they thought "Let's make a song about....I don't know? *looks around room* chinese food containers? shoes? Ugh this is hard. Let's just make one about New York I guess." Then they did forgot about the song thing completely, fell asleep, woke up and just sang a song written by a trained monkey instead. Still, it's not Red Red Wine. 1 out of 5

3. Tina Turner - Let's Stay Together
I guess I just don't see the point in covering this song. It's like Unchained Melody which is constantly covered. No one's ever going to do a cover of that song that makes people think "Wow this is better than the original!" so just leave it. It's why people rarely record versions of Beatles songs (well, that and licensing fees, I'd imagine). It's just pointless. I'm not some Marvin Gaye enthusiast but his version is so iconic that this comes across bush league. 1 out of 5

4. The Human League - (Keep Feeling) Fascination
I like a lot of Human League. I'm less thrilled with this one. I do love the bridge though. 3 out of 5

5. Howard Jones - New Song
I'm always like "WHAT SONG IS THAT" then it comes on and I go "oh yeah that one". Jones, you shoulda named it something else. Like "E-E-OOH" cos that's the part I know and would remember when I saw it written. 3 out of 5

6. UB40 - Please Don't Make Me Cry
Oh jeez. I've never even heard this. It's not as bad as Red Red Wine, but still bad. 0 out of 5

7. Peabo Bryson & Roberta Flack - Tonight, I Celebrate My Love
I always sing this to tease my cats. Professing one of them's love for another. I just admitted that. Willingly. Toniiiiight Cheat celebrates her love for Cookieeeee. Man, this guy's name is Peabo. PEA....BO. How is this so? And people have a problem with kids names nowadays. Sheesh. 1 out of 5

Flip the record one last time.

1. Tracey Ullman - They Don't Know
Yes, I went through that phase at 20 where I played this song CONSTANTLY in my car. Everyone goes through that stage right? Forever immortalised as the theme from Tracey Takes On. 4 out of 5

2. Will Powers - Kissing With Confidence
Carly damn Simon. My 2nd favourite Carly Simon guest appearance (after Got Til It's Gone by Janet Jackson where Carly does a bit of poet-rapping). This song (and the album it's culled from) is a pretty cool concept. I wish shit like this happened nowadays. 3 out of 5

3. Genesis - That's All
Oh man, oh man. I love this song. I'm gonna do it at karaoke next time I go!! (I won't) I'd like to cull my top 5 favourite Genesis songs one day but man that'd be a tough list. The middle 8 is kind of dreamy as fuck. 4 out of 5

4. The Cure - The Love Cats
FUCK ME. Yes. A thousand times yes. 5 out of 5. Solid Gold perfection

5. Simple Minds - Waterfront
What? Simple Minds are just one huge song in America but in the UK they're thousands of mediocre ones. I can't get into this. And they put this after The Love Cats? What were they thinking? 2 out of 5

6. Madness - The Sun and the Rain
Well this isn't as annoying as I feared it might be, having never heard it before. It's better before the horns, but that's sort of the whole thing with Madness I suppose. 2 out of 5

7. Culture Club - Victims
They ended it right. Remember when I talked of my love for Culture Club earlier? This is the song. Every neighbour I have ever or will ever have will have heard me sing this numerous times. Whenever people go on about the In The Air Tonight drum breakdown I'm like "What? Oh, like in Victims?" cos seriously I bet I could break out of handcuffs to air drum that shit. Also, at the end when it turns all jazzy. What the hell? I love this shit. LOVE LOVE LOVE. 5 out of 5. Puppet Strings perfection


Overall: Like my favourite TV theme of all-time prophetised: You take the good, you take the bad. You take them both and there you have a 30 year old music compilation. A good way to kill a couple hours. 4 out of 5

Inductees into the Now That's What I Call a Hall of Fame:
Rock Steady Crew - Hey You (Rock Steady Crew)
The Cure - The Love Cats
Culture Club - Victims

Congrats, you've done your daddies proud. (I'm assuming you were all raised by gay couples)