Listen along if you care to. You can find these songs on the internet that you're on right now.
Released: 28 November 1983
1. Phil Collins - You Can't Hurry Love
I think I liked this when I was younger but it's a bit crap isn't it? I dunno, it's not actively bad but I'd never choose to listen to it. 1 out of 5
2. Duran Duran - Is There Something I Should Know?
I'm gonna talk more about Duran Duran as part of another 30 year feature I'm writing (and I write really fucking slow) but I quite enjoy them. This song isn't my favourite but, again, I feel like I liked it a lot more when I was younger. If I had been sort of 13-15 years old at this time I like to think I'd be a big Smiths fan (I worship at the altar) but really I woulda probably liked Wham! and Duran Duran. Folly of youth and that. 3 out of 5
3. UB40 - Red Red Wine
I loathe UB40's fake reggae-whatever thing. I don't even like real reggae so this is insufferable. Really regretting my firm "NO SKIPPING ANY SONGS" stance. At least my cats will also suffer. Dear god, it's still going and now it's at that weird rap part. I am tempted to close this blog and never mention this again. 0 out of 5
4. Limahl - Only For Love
I was looking at pictures of hedgehogs while I listened to this so I really enjoyed it. God, he doesn't half sound like a woman though does he? 2 out of 5
5. Heaven 17 - Temptation
Oh fuck I'm a sucker for that melody. I always look at this song written places and think "Oh yeah it's ok" then I listen to it and I'm all "TEMP-TA-TION!" 4 out of 5
6. KC & The Sunshine Band - Give It Up
I always forget their 80s success. And their 70s success I guess too. I do jam to this one too though I have to admit. I like it. 3 out of 5
7. Malcolm McClaren - Double Dutch
God, that opening is so Adam Ant. I just looked this up and was surprised to see Trevor Horn produced this with McClaren. Never knew that. It's not my favourite song but it's cute. 2 out of 5
8. Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse of the Heart
I always want to write this as a duet. Man that dude got the shaft. I like it. We all do. Well, I'm sure there's some doofus that's all "NAH THAT SONG IS OVERPLAYED" but whatever, just be thankful they overplay this and not RED RED FUCKING WINE. 3 out of 5
This concludes side one. Flip to side two.
1. Culture Club - Karma Chameleon
I adore Culture Club. This song? Not as much. Definitely my least favourite of their songs. I'd skip it on my Culture Club Greatest Hits CD back in the day. Wouldn't even muck up my iPod with it. Meh, I still can't hate it. 2 out of 5
2. Men Without Hats - The Safety Dance
Oh dear. I definitely loved this one circa, like, 2001. Was this in a commercial or something recently? It seems to have picked up steam recently. And by "picked up steam" I mean I heard my dad humming it the other day. A sure sign a song has jumped the shark if ever there was one. It had a good run though. 29 years! Look at you go! 2 out of 5
3. Kajagoogoo - Too Shy
I like this song. Always have. Limahl is the first person to appear on Now That's What I Call Music twice! Trivia alert! Man, I wish I sang this song. I wish I was Limahl. Ok, I cut my hair into a layered mullet during this song is that bad? 4 out of 5
4. Mike Oldfield - Moonlight Shadow
Man, my first song I gotta listen to as a mullet-wearer is this. Wait, what is this? I've only heard Tubular Bells. Who is this woman? I feel so dumb right now. And not just on account of the mullet. Maggie Reilly??!!! (wikipedia) I don't know. Oldfield, I don't know what to think of you right now. Man this song was huge all over Europe. Why? I'm not impressed, Oldfield. 1 out of 5
5. Men at Work - Down Under
Oh, this song. 2 out of 5
6. Rock Steady Crew - Hey You (Rock Steady Crew)
I didn't even look at the tracklist. I just decided to do this list as soon as I saw it debuted in 83. HOLY FUCK this was a shock. This is my gem. My gem of gems. I don't remember where I found this song for the first time but my goodness, I love it. I really can't recommend this enough. Oh my fuck, the guy that produced this also produced A Little Respect by Erasure. Marry me Stephen Hague. 5 out of 5 Electric Boogaloo perfection
7. Rod Stewart - Baby Jane
This was #1 when I was born. And my mom's name is Jane. I guess you could say on that day JANE had a BABY. I mean, yeah. I had never heard this song when I found that out. Listened to it, fell in love with the chorus. I kind of want to sing this karaoke but just the chorus. IT'S GONNA LAAAAST FOREVER. Good shit here, we're really on a roll, what will burst our bubble? 3 out of 5
8. Paul Young - Wherever I Lay My Hat
Oh, this song. I'm looking at Paul Young for aforementioned other project I'm writing and. I don't get this song. I guess America didn't either. I'm too lazy to look up if this was a number one in the UK but I bet it was. I don't think it did a thing in America. Everytime You Go Away though? We were all over that shit! 1 out of 5
Take this record off. Hold record while you remember what you were going to do. Realise you're losing your memory. Promise yourself you'll talk to your doctor about it but really you won't cos you're scared of growing old and don't want to verbalise it. Look at record. Ask yourself why you're holding a record. Read label. Oh yes, I believe there's a second album too. Put that one.
1. New Edition - Candy Girl
I literally, just, wrote a paragraph about New Edition. God, is this my life? Anyways, yeah, they sound unbelievably young here. Super young black boys singing has really gone away hasn't it? We used to have Jackson 5, then New Edition, Musical Youth, that group with Roger from Sister, Sister. Later Lil Bow Wow, Lil Romeo. Now nothing. Boo! By the way nothing makes me happy like a 12 year old saying "CHECK OUT (other 12 year old)'S OLD LADY" Not a bad little tune. Maurice Starr you saint. You weren't accused of kiddy fiddling like those other impresarios. You just did the child labour for money thing and I respect that. 3 out of 5
2. Kajagoogoo - Big Apple
This was after Limahl left so sadly he misses out of being the first to appear on the NTWICM (that's my new thing) series. This song is crap. It's like they thought "Let's make a song about....I don't know? *looks around room* chinese food containers? shoes? Ugh this is hard. Let's just make one about New York I guess." Then they did forgot about the song thing completely, fell asleep, woke up and just sang a song written by a trained monkey instead. Still, it's not Red Red Wine. 1 out of 5
3. Tina Turner - Let's Stay Together
I guess I just don't see the point in covering this song. It's like Unchained Melody which is constantly covered. No one's ever going to do a cover of that song that makes people think "Wow this is better than the original!" so just leave it. It's why people rarely record versions of Beatles songs (well, that and licensing fees, I'd imagine). It's just pointless. I'm not some Marvin Gaye enthusiast but his version is so iconic that this comes across bush league. 1 out of 5
4. The Human League - (Keep Feeling) Fascination
I like a lot of Human League. I'm less thrilled with this one. I do love the bridge though. 3 out of 5
5. Howard Jones - New Song
I'm always like "WHAT SONG IS THAT" then it comes on and I go "oh yeah that one". Jones, you shoulda named it something else. Like "E-E-OOH" cos that's the part I know and would remember when I saw it written. 3 out of 5
6. UB40 - Please Don't Make Me Cry
Oh jeez. I've never even heard this. It's not as bad as Red Red Wine, but still bad. 0 out of 5
7. Peabo Bryson & Roberta Flack - Tonight, I Celebrate My Love
I always sing this to tease my cats. Professing one of them's love for another. I just admitted that. Willingly. Toniiiiight Cheat celebrates her love for Cookieeeee. Man, this guy's name is Peabo. PEA....BO. How is this so? And people have a problem with kids names nowadays. Sheesh. 1 out of 5
Flip the record one last time.
1. Tracey Ullman - They Don't Know
Yes, I went through that phase at 20 where I played this song CONSTANTLY in my car. Everyone goes through that stage right? Forever immortalised as the theme from Tracey Takes On. 4 out of 5
2. Will Powers - Kissing With Confidence
Carly damn Simon. My 2nd favourite Carly Simon guest appearance (after Got Til It's Gone by Janet Jackson where Carly does a bit of poet-rapping). This song (and the album it's culled from) is a pretty cool concept. I wish shit like this happened nowadays. 3 out of 5
3. Genesis - That's All
Oh man, oh man. I love this song. I'm gonna do it at karaoke next time I go!! (I won't) I'd like to cull my top 5 favourite Genesis songs one day but man that'd be a tough list. The middle 8 is kind of dreamy as fuck. 4 out of 5
4. The Cure - The Love Cats
FUCK ME. Yes. A thousand times yes. 5 out of 5. Solid Gold perfection
5. Simple Minds - Waterfront
What? Simple Minds are just one huge song in America but in the UK they're thousands of mediocre ones. I can't get into this. And they put this after The Love Cats? What were they thinking? 2 out of 5
6. Madness - The Sun and the Rain
Well this isn't as annoying as I feared it might be, having never heard it before. It's better before the horns, but that's sort of the whole thing with Madness I suppose. 2 out of 5
7. Culture Club - Victims
They ended it right. Remember when I talked of my love for Culture Club earlier? This is the song. Every neighbour I have ever or will ever have will have heard me sing this numerous times. Whenever people go on about the In The Air Tonight drum breakdown I'm like "What? Oh, like in Victims?" cos seriously I bet I could break out of handcuffs to air drum that shit. Also, at the end when it turns all jazzy. What the hell? I love this shit. LOVE LOVE LOVE. 5 out of 5. Puppet Strings perfection
Overall: Like my favourite TV theme of all-time prophetised: You take the good, you take the bad. You take them both and there you have a 30 year old music compilation. A good way to kill a couple hours. 4 out of 5
Inductees into the Now That's What I Call a Hall of Fame:
Rock Steady Crew - Hey You (Rock Steady Crew)
The Cure - The Love Cats
Culture Club - Victims
Congrats, you've done your daddies proud. (I'm assuming you were all raised by gay couples)
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