A musical journey through the trajectory of teen idols
I'll be looking at music heart-throbs of the past, beginning in 1983, because that's 30 years ago (and the year I was born).
Just four things as a pretext:
1) these entries aren't meant to be an in-depth, know-it-all account of music history. It's mostly a listing with some videos and stupid comments. I mean, for fuck's sake, how serious can an article about teen idols really be?
2) I looked over a few resources (chart stats, MTV listings, old teeny bopper mags, Wikipedia) to get a feel for what I'm reasonably assured young girls were interested in at a given time. My wheelhouse, so to speak, (ie: my prime for lusting after the teen idols) would've been about 89-99. Anything before or after that was more based on research than first hand knowledge.
3) this isn't just a listing for "boybands". Solo stars, rockers, R&B acts...they're all fair game so long as teen girls were a verifiable target for them. In other words, Bon Jovi, absolutely fall in this category at least through the 80s. Once they hit the 90s, I'd no longer consider teen girls to be a target audience for them, so I'll no longer include them at that point. Same thing goes for Michael Jackson. He was absolutely an object of lust in 1983 for the promotion of Thriller. By the time Bad came out in 1987? Not so much. There's no science to this, just up to my own feelings and findings. On the other hand, I'm sure there were teen girls who had Motley Crue on their walls, however, I don't think the Crue were ever actively attempting to appeal to that fanbase. I think they were way more interested in women they could actually sleep with (and not go to jail over it). Same thing with Eminem. I'm absolutely positive many angsty teenage girls had him on their walls but I don't think that was something he ever courted or desired so I chose to leave him out of this. Vanilla Ice, with his doll and lunchbox? Well, you'll be seeing him later. Also, no groups with female members. Ruins the illusion.
4) I'm American but I love the way the UK treats music slightly less disposable. I've tried to include acts from all over the world but the world is fucking huge. It's mostly US/UK centric. A few Australian acts, a couple French based acts, German acts. That's about as far as I could go. Asia is just a mystery to me. Everything has to be in English, which made me skip over a few more well-known acts, like Menudo, though they do make an appearance at some point with their big English breakthrough.
Ok with all that preamble out of the way. Let's dive into 1983. I tried to do this chronological down to the month, that's not always an exact science but at least I tried.
Michael Jackson - Billie Jean
Where else to begin but with the aforementioned Mr Jackson? He was a king amongst young girls. He looked just great in this video too. I get the nose thing, Michael, it was wide. Fine. But here? Circa 1983? Perfect. Leave it. Oh well, we all know what happens, but let's just enjoy pure pop excellence. MTV played the FUCK out of this video, by the way. This is incredibly sad (and probably a bit telling about why I'm writing these blogs) but some of my earliest memories are of watching MTV. I'd say my memories of watching began in 1986-87 and even at that point they still played this video pretty heavily. It has to be one of my 10 or 15 most seen videos. They seemed to play it much more than "Beat It" or "Bad". Of course "Thriller" was just too damn long to get too much rotation. Ace video this is, though it does get a bit acid-trippy towards the end.
Kajagoogoo - Too Shy
Yes, I'm serious about this one. Girls dug the mullet, I guess. They worked with Duran Duran apparently so that must have helped them with the young girls. It looks like they've sort of reformed, which is just what the world needs now. Bask in the two-tone hairdo and nipple exposing tank top. I don't remember this being a big MTV staple in the later 80s but it sure does get a decent amount of play on 80s radio stations.
Wham! - Wham Rap
Ah yes, the king of British teen girls 80s fantasies: Andrew Ridgeley. Kidding (though he wasn't too shabby), of course this was the start of George Michael's ascent. I have to admit, he's a bit of a looker. Would've totally crushed on him. By the time I was old enough to think about such things, pretty sure my mom lusted after him and that's just a no-go. Might as well have gone for Victor from Young and the Restless too at that point.
Michael Jackson - Beat It
Here's "Beat It". For some reason, I think this video scared me when I was a child. Violence, gangs emerging from manholes, THAT WEIRD CONVULSING GUY. I need a shower after that. And not in a good way.
New Edition - Candy Girl
I have a theory that all modern-day boybands began here. Take That, Boyzone, One Direction. Bow before your makers. There were always groups of attractive boys gathered together to make music for young girls' enjoyment. But a lot of them played instruments (Beatles, Stones, Jackson 5) or just generally stood around (Doo-wop acts, Leif Garrett, David Cassidy). Maurice Starr had a vision of an all-singing, all-dancing group of guys that would vie for the love of the teen set. He achieved a great deal of success with New Edition. Then he decided to top his own idea by copying every facet of it, except with white boys that would achieve global success and a whole lot of money. More on the New Kids on the Block in later entries. Their formula is literally still being instituted today (5 guys, the personality molds ie-bad boy, shy one, cute young one etc) So as you can see, all of that SORT OF has it origins with this group. The song itself is pretty harmless. They do a rudimentary version of the dougie throughout the entire video so I guess that was a thing in the 80s.
Spandau Ballet - Communication
Well this is another UK delight. They only had the one song here in America but research shows all young ladies of Britain wanted to fuck these dudes. I remember reading SUGAR FUCKING MAGAZINE in the late 90s and the daughter of one of these guys were in it telling how their dad used to be a teen idol (LIKE WESTLIFE) and there were pictures and I was all "ew." They look like dads even here, in their pomp. I don't get the video. The song is pretty bland too. Thanks Thatcher!
Duran Duran - Is There Something I Should Know
There's a scene in Heathers that sort of uses that weird Harmonica part. Well, probably not the exact one but such an imitation of it. It's a montage scene. The Heather Duke rise to prominence scene? Anyways, I'm veering off-track onto the movie Heathers, which is like 80% of my life anyways. If I had been a teeny bopper at this time I think I woulda gone for LeBon. John Taylor is very feminine though and I do love a lady so it's hard to say. I mean Jordan was my favourite New Kid so based on that it's tough to call. These videos are weird and arty JUST FOR THE SAKE OF IT.
Kajagoogoo - Ooh To Be Ah
These jokers again. Car phones? HOW CHIC. Ok, the drummer is cute but for fuck's sake, the haircuts. Also, he's playing an electric drumkit. Since when does that happen? They do love a tank top in this band for guys not muscly at all. I like the song and the video is pure 80s cheese.
Rick Springfield - Affair Of The Heart
Well, I can't look at Rick Springfield with a straight face after reading Cherie Currie's book.OUR FIRST SHIRTLESS SCENE! Our first tiger jumping at man through blinds scene!
Spandau Ballet - True
Oh man, don't read the Youtube comments on this one. They're all depressing and about the GOOD OLE DAYS when bread was free and gas was a nickel. To be fair, I do think this song evokes instant nostalgia. Lead singer using a microphone model one size above "Bob Barker", I see.
Wham! - Bad Boys
If he's such a "bad boy" tough guy why is he living at home at 19? Oh right, we heard in the "Wham Rap" that he was living on the dole. Truly bad!!!
Paul Young - Wherever I Lay My Hat (That's My Home)
Oh, this song. Paul Young was on the cover of like, every issue of Smash Hits at this time, granted Smash Hits was a bit more of a legitimate music mag back then (just a bit). He's not a terrible looking guy so I'm sure it moved a lot of magazines. Well more than Pete Burns anyways. Jesus, what is with these videos at this time? That ending...
Wham! - Club Tropicana
The year of Wham! rolls on. I have to admit, at this point they probably are the most attractive thing going and have to be a massive hit with the teen girls. George looks fantastic in his speedo, shades and impossibly teeny tiny ponytail combo. FANNING MYSELF. Ridgeley, tired of being looked over, dyes his bangs blond. Girls still prefer blatantly homosexual George. What a shame. Oh, at the end they're...pilots?
Spandau Ballet - Gold
Oh man, the Ballet aren't having a bad year either. This is faaaar and away their best song, incidentally. I thought it was pretty cool that they'd play this on the radio when Team GB won a gold medal in the 2012 Olympics. Another weird for the sake of it video.
Billy Idol - Rebel Yell
I'm uncertain if the video coincided with the original release here in late 83 or the re-release in 85 so I've included here because no one really cares. I think it's strange to think of him as a "teen idol" and I only think he is in the loosest sense of the term but he was definitely lusted after by a large portion. Even his fake crowd for this video is almost entirely women so he was aware. There's a definite unique appeal to him. He's something for the 'rougher' girls for sure. Rough girls need an object of lust too.
Duran Duran - Union Of The Snake
Oh god. Next time people say "Duran Duran helped revolutionise music videos" just remember most of them were actually super terrible like this one. Mad Max mania, I suppose.
Frankie Goes To Hollywood - Relax
I REALLY didn't want to include this because I REALLY didn't want to believe young girls thought they were hot. But the evidence is there. I don't get the attraction to that curly haired smug one from One Direction either but it definitely exists. I can't deny the past, only report on it. I couldn't find much evidence that they were anything other than one hit wonders in America (ie not so much teen idols). So, as I'm writing this and listening to the video at pretty loud volumes (I live alone and it's not a bad song), I get a knock at my door. So yes, guy warning me about water work being done in the neighbourhood, I was listening to this song warning about premature ejaculation at 8am.
Paul Young - Love Of The Common People
Dat shirt. It's something Jeff Jarrett would wear in USWA circa 1991. What's the deal with the taped in microphone? Then when he wanted to hold the mic, he had to hold the entire stand. Poor Young.
This concludes 1983 in teen idol pop stars.
Next time: mostly the exact same bands, but America gets in on it a bit more with one of the biggest heart-throbs of the 80s. Oh and our first Canadian entry.
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